Do you have trouble making decisions?

I have an array of cousins, nephews and nieces in a delightful age of making life decisions. I watch their unmatched enthusiasm and agony over what they are going to do - from smallest to biggest choices. Going to a pub to going for an education abroad. One minute, they are dead sure they have it all figured out. They scorn all of us adults who are doing everything so wrong. Next minute, they suffer agonies of self-doubt and lack of confidence to pick up any one course of action. It is part of the process for any adolescent 'coming of age'.

But many adults are still stuck in that ‘coming of age’ drama in some aspects of life. There are millions around the world who suffer from acute, chronic indecision. They agonize over what to do in a particular situation but are absolutely unable to move forward. It is mainly because they haven't gone through the healthy process of growing up.

You learn by making choices or even mistakes. Choices may later turn out to be right or wrong for you. But unless you make that choice, you won’t even know what is right for you. That’s the beauty of teenage or young adult stage of life, this freedom to make mistakes and grow from it.

There are no inherently right or wrong choices. But a decision or a choice once made, chalks out a path. No matter which way this path takes you, it shows you who you are. You can discover who you are only by making choices and following up with some action. And facing consequences of those actions. When you make a choice, it teaches you a bit about yourself. Even if it turns out well or it doesn’t turn out well, you still learn from it. You grow up into who you are by making choices, even if they are mistakes.

What’s damaging is your inability to make ANY choice because of excessive fear of failure or fear of making mistakes. It could be resulting from having overbearing parents who never allowed you any choice. Or overcautious parents, who kept telling you what to do to make the best of life. Or lack of healthy support in early childhood to make mistakes. Someone to support you, to pull you out of any mess you may get into. If you were prevented from making your own choices and following your destiny, a little part of you gets stuck in that agonizing teenage dilemma. You suffer from chronic indecision, masking a fear of making mistakes. It could look like you want to make the perfect choice, to lead a perfect life. So you keep agonizing over what to do.

Another reason you may be unable to make decisions is, you may be completely disconnected with yourself. You are unable to see what is in your best interests. But there is only one way you can learn about what is good for you, that is making a conscious choice NOW and learning from it.

Many people have missed this crucial aspect of their growth so get stuck in agonizing confusion even in adulthood. I keep getting queries from adults agonizing over a marriage decision, about a career choice or some other aspect of life unable to make a choice. Often not making any choice and allowing life to take its own course. It is not bad in itself, but if you allow yourself to make choices (good or bad), I guarantee that you will know more about yourself so that you can make better choices later and grow as a person in the process.